It has been about 7 months since i broke up with my ex. girlfriend and 3 months since we stopped talking with each other. We stopped talking because i wanted it this way, i have known her for way too long and i know how she will act and react to everything. Sometimes you have to be mean inorder to do what's best for the other person. She will never beable to fully move on with me around, so with her mad at me and not talking to me i believe that she will finally beable to move on. that is what i hope.

As for me i have moved on already. Not sure what i am doing really. i know in my heart that i am not ready to settle down and go through another relationship, that is not to say i will no go on dates and all that. When i am on a date i treat the girl that i am with like she is the only person in the world to me, because i believe that she deserve it and it is something i should do considering they are willing to go out with me. I think the 6 year relationship with my ex. really changed me alot in terms of my view points and how i act in a relationship. I have noticed that i am constantly keeping a emotional distance when i feel someone is getting too close and i get that familiar feeling of being in a relationship. I know that by doing this i will probably miss out on something good with an amazing person, but i know in my heart that i am just not ready for it yet. I am trying really hard to over come this but emotionally i think i am really drained in terms of a relationship. This is not to say i am not a friendly person.. i am still who i am but when it comes to relationship i some how subconsiously hold back interms of commitments.

In the 6 years i was with my ex. i went through the new highschool sweetheart kinda relationship where everything is still new and fresh to me. I went through the long distance relationship, i went through the my g/f is cheatting on me with another person relationship which i worked through and we were still together. i even lived with her for 4 years. Maybe that might be why i am so emotionally drained and keep my distance. When you go through so much and realize that the person isn't right for you i guess it really does take a toll on you.

I was in seattle this past weekend for a friends wedding and i saw how happy my friends were together and i was really happy for them. then i looked any my life and if i saw marriage and all that in the near future and i realized that it isn't something i want at this time in my life. For me i have so many goals in life that want to accomplish and i just want to enjoy life at this time.

Now speaking of my seattle vacation i am still recovering from it because of all the late nights and early mornings not to mention i suffered a pinched nerve right now and all i do is lay in bed after work hoping that sleep will make it go away. but i will write about my vacation once i heal up and recover

Thoughts

Choices

Update on my life

I know i haven't been the best and updating and all but i still do try and do it once in a while.

So things that happened since my last update. I am aware i said i would post pictures of my seattle vacation yet it didn't. maybe one day i will..

Well since then i have settled into my job as a cost analyst at L-3 communications. There are days i love my job and there are days where i just hate my job to death but that is the case with all jobs. These days i am being given more responsibilities so i guess they are trusting me more. which will probably help if i want to ask for more money.

During the xmas i went to Taiwan for a vacation. It was really good i got to see all my family and all. Ex. g/f  almost screwed up my whole vacation because of her selfish ways only thinking of her self. but i was able to make it through and enjoyed the most of my vacation.

For those of you who do read my xanga page. I am now single after getting out of a 6 year relationship that probably wouldn't have gone anywhere and would end up being just totally wrong for me. Yes i realize that i am slow to find that out and it took me 6 years to see it but the thing is when you are in university you don't really see the whole picture. when you are finally out and making a living you see alot of things that you didn't before and grow. The problem was that she never grew at all she still was that same girl who i met in highschool. I guess i got tired of waiting for her to grow up and i guess i didn't find myself a match for the way she was raised or her family values. since i found myself questioning thing that her parents did alot of the time. but that is just the tip of the ice berg i don't really want to bore the little readers that i have with this kind of story.

so anyways ended the relationship before i left for Taiwan, but yet she still comes to Taiwan with the lame excuse that she wanted to do see Taiwan, yet she had no plans what so ever on where to go or what to do. which is another long story which i would rather not get into because i just cannot stand her at this moment. But dispite all that i did have fun got to see family as i mentioned above. got to ride in a ferrari, go to the hot springs there and ride a motorcycle too. then i get back to work and i have a whole shit load of catching up to do. Hopefully i will post pictures soon. but knowing me it will take a while

Just an entry